Here’s a typical story for ya

After Belgium dumped me, he said he still wanted to be friends. Ok, sure, I’m down…I guess. Besides, he still has one of my favorite books that I lent him.

So a few days after we called it quits, I texted him. It was some innocuous text about this club that was trying to get me to join (and pay their massive membership fee). I’d gone to a party at the club a few months beforehand, and they sent me a pair of *free lunch tickets*. I invited B to lunch (turned out to be a “meet and greet” with the PR person and a tour of the club culminating in signing membership docs. Needless to say, we didn’t go). But when I received yet another email from them, I took the opportunity to extend a hand of friendship/”let’s not be awkward about it” to B.

He responded in record time

When we were “into each other”, it took B hours, sometimes a day, to respond to my text messages (and I’m not the type of girl to incessantly text message someone. I’d message him maybe once or twice a day. This after we’d made a habit of talking and hanging out regularly, and I’d stayed over at his place already).

Suddenly, B is responding within minutes of receiving my texts. We had a short, friendly conversation about the club, and that was it. I recall thinking, “Maybe I can be friends with him.” Or at least friendly.

Can a girl be any more wrong?

Two days later, the day before Valentine’s Day, he texts me. “I really like that engineering book you gave me. Nice work…How was your match date?”

Alright, nice of him to compliment me on my gift-giving abilities, but why does he want to know about my date? Course, I was feeling a little self-indulgent, and thought I’d let him know just how well everything’s going on my side (maybe instill in him a little self-doubt about his decision to call it quits) so I told him I had a good time and we were planning to hang out again soon. Which is true. But it was also true that I found Readsalot to be more of a friend type. I decided not to mention that part.

B went on to inquire what we did on our date. I told him we walked on the boardwalk, then said I had another date lined up for that evening. He wrote, “Hah wow, I wouldn’t expect any different though. That’s awesome.”

Successful. Dating. Pursuits.

Then he said, “Sometimes I feel like I need a stress relief which hasn’t happened, and I’m trying to separate that from my dating pursuits. Which I’ve been successful at.”

Dating pursuits. As in, career pursuits, sporting pursuits, academic pursuits, dating pursuits. As in, “let me check that off my grocery list”.

I told him he needed to stop giving himself such a hard time and take a vacation. He agreed with me. Then he asked me where I was going on my next date. I told him, and he said, “should be fun. I mean it’s no blues club but ya know…” OK. That’s not very fair, comparing my new dating activities to the dates the two of us went on. After all, he broke it off with me. He can’t come trying to sabotage my new dates when he’s already told me he’s not interested.

So I did a photoshoot

One of my good friends is a photographer, and he wanted to mess around with some different lighting techniques, so I agreed to model for him. The modeling sesh was mostly implied nude. I’d told B I was shooting, so he asked “Did you get your pics back from the shoot the other day? You photograph really well. I’m excited to see them.”

The pics were totally classy – not even close to trashy or flashy. Very artistic and interesting to look at. But they also showed a significant amount of skin. Considering how much interest in my dates B had shown, I thought I’d mess with him a little and send him some of those pics. It was probably a poor decision.

He responded with, “Those are beautiful. Thank you for sharing. Any more that are more risque?”

To which I said, “Are you trying to get me to send you nudie photos : P”

“You caught me 🙂 yes I am,” he wrote. I sent him a couple more. “Those are amazing also,” he said, “You’re getting closer :)”

I wrote, “Well tough nuggets, that’s all you get.”

He said, “Well next time I see you, if you’re comfortable with it I’d really like to see those other [more revealing ones] too.”

“Hah, I don’t think so, sorry,” I responded.

“Haha ok. Prude ; )” he wrote.

“I’m not a prude, I’m just not going to share nudes with someone I’m not sleeping with.”

He chose to ignore that comment and we moved on to talk about this book I’ve been reading called The Four Hour Body. There is a component in the book about having better sex. And of course we talked about that for a while. I learned that he is into “anal stimulation” (his words, not mine). Course, I’d kinda picked that up when I’d stayed over that one time…

Eventually, we signed off and went to sleep.

A happy Valentine’s Day indeed

The next day was Valentine’s Day. I intended not to message him since I didn’t think it would be entirely appropriate, considering how we “weren’t interested in each other anymore”. He, however, had other ideas.

Around 10:30 that night he wrote “Hello…Happy valentine’s day to you. How did drinks go last night?”

Completely fed up with his ambiguity and his interest in my match dates, coupled with the fact that he had the audacity to message me on Valentine’s Day, I responded, “Why are you so curious about my dates?”

He took about ten minutes to respond, but eventually wrote, “Won’t make that mistake again.”

I said, “Listen, I want to be friendly with you, but I just don’t want you comparing every date I go on to the ones you and I went on. Capiche?”

And I haven’t heard from him since.

So bizarre. So. Bizarre.

My first date with Readsalot, we went to a coffee shop

I know, super original. It’s like I’ve run out of ideas or something. Mostly it was just because I was caught up with whatever was going on with Belgium that I wasn’t particularly concerned with this guy. Either way, neither of us could come up with something cool to do. So we went to a coffee shop. R said we’d just figure it out from there.

Sorry I’m late

I was running a few minutes behind (I don’t like showing up to first dates right on time…it makes me feel like I’m desperate), and I texted him to let him know. I got this response: “Punctuality is a western idea I don’t agree with.” That made me smile. I’m not sure if it was in a good way or a funny way, though.

When I walked up to the coffee shop, he was seated at a table right outside. The first meeting is always a little awkward, and I try my hardest not to make it super obvious it’s our first time meeting. R, though, seemed caught unawares when I walked up. He stood up abruptly and looked at me awkwardly. When the awkwardness didn’t dissipate, he offered his hand. *Note* Unless you are simultaneously interviewing for a job, I consider it bad conduct to shake your date’s hand. But I shook his anyway, just to make it less awkward. That seems to be the go-to for guys in awkward one-on-one situations anyway, so I didn’t hold it against him.

I don’t like sitting

I didn’t really want to sit there, waiting for my tea to cool enough to sipping temperature, and stare at each other across the table. So I suggested we take a walk. We were already in the downtown area, so there was plenty to see.

We walked along the boardwalk, and hit it off pretty quickly. It turns out we had a lot to talk about, and a lot of similar life philosophies. As a matter of fact, he reminds me a lot of one of my best friends from college. They even look alike!

So I left Match…

As we were walking back, R broached the subject of the online dating world, as every guy from Match eventually does. “So, I left that…uh, site,” he started, clearing his throat.

“Yeah, I noticed,” I said. I’d tried to pull up his profile a few days earlier to show one of my girlfriends, but it hadn’t come up.

“Yeah, I just don’t know how I feel about the whole thing, ya know?” he continued, “I still think I’d rather meet people,” he gestured vaguely, “organically.”

“Yeah, I gotcha,” I said, kicking a stick from the sidewalk.

“Anyway, I like being friends with girls before dating them,” he said, looking away.

“Right, I know what you mean.”

How many Match dates have you been on?

Then he asked me how many Match dates I’d been on, and I grossly underestimated. He told me he’d only been on one other date. Way to give it a chance before jumping ship, dude.

As we got back to the coffee shop, I headed inside to use the restroom, and gave him a hug as he left. “That was fun, we should do it again sometime,” I said. He said, “Yeah, me and my buddies go kayaking sometimes and dig up oysters. You should come along one of these days.” “For sure,” I waved as I walked back in the coffee place, and he ambled away, hands stuffed deep into his pockets.

Next up: date with newcomer Ken Doll

So last week, this guy messaged me on FB

“I’m playing in a soccer tournament in your town this weekend!” he wrote, “let’s hang out!”

It took me a second to remember who he was. I looked back at our FB thread. He’d wished me a happy birthday several months ago and asked if I was still in town so he could buy me a beer. We’d worked on this music video together in his hometown, and he’d subsequently added me as a Facebook friend. By the time I’d gotten his message, I had already headed back home, and told him so. “Well let me know anytime you’re around and we’ll hang out!” he wrote back, “and I’ll let you know next time I’m near your town, too!”

9 months later

We had little to no Facebook interaction since that message he sent me on my birthday, and we hadn’t exactly hung out much on set. It’s not like we had exchanged phone numbers or anything.

So, as you can imagine, his recent message felt a little out of the blue. But he seemed like a nice enough guy, so I thought, “hey, why not? Not like I have anything else planned for this weekend.” Except actually I was pretty booked. Two photoshoots – one Saturday, one Sunday, so I wasn’t able to make any of his games. Instead, we planned to go grab some drinks on Saturday night.

The Frat House

This guy, we’ll call him SG for Soccer Guy, is almost 40. When I asked him about his league, he made it sound like he played in an over-30 men’s league. But when I arrived at the house where they were all staying, I was surprised to see guys – and girls – all around my age.

SG opened the fridge and offered me a Natty Light. I popped the can and tried to take it all in. There were probably 15 people in the (not very large) living room – about 50/50 guys/girls, and as I walked around and introduced myself and my friend, R, who I’d dragged along with me, I was greeted with glazed eyes and drunk smiles.

At one point a ping pong ball appeared from nowhere, and someone aimed it at a red solo cup. Finally, SG called a cab for us all to take to the bar, and everyone piled themselves into the van and headed out.

Walk-in coolers, locals, and one heck of a dive bar

The bar was a pretty neat place, but very divey. There were a handful of locals (mid 40s-50s, several couples), and they rolled their eyes at us as we invaded their bar. We all walked to the back, where there was a huge walk-in beer cooler. We picked our beers then headed to the bar to pay. SG was being very friendly, but not in a creepy way. We found conversation easy even though we’d never really hung out. I don’t remember what exactly we talked about, but it wasn’t awkward.

Popped my Photo-hunt cherry

So apparently there is this bar video-game that everybody loves, but that I’d never heard of. It’s called Photo hunt. The gist is this: two photos pop up on a touch screen, and you have to pick out the differences. Apparently there is a more popular version where all the photos are of naked people. Unfortunately, this wasn’t that version.

The photo hunt game was located in a little nook out of the way, and we somehow crammed about 5 people back there and all played the game at once. We almost beat the high score (we came in 2nd overall!).

Later, I tried to learn the Cubic Shuffle among other dances, and SG cheered me on. At one point, he winked at me, but that was about as flirty as things ever got. But it was a very fun evening.

Back at home

Eventually, we all went home – the team had an 8am soccer game the next morning! Needless to say, they were all very, very hungover.

The next day, after the team hit the road to head back to their respective cities, SG sent me a text to ask how my photoshoot went. I said it went well, and he jokingly asked me to send him some proofs from the shoot. Then he said,

SG: I do think you are absolutely beautiful and sweet though.
Not kidding. Ha
Blushing.

Me: Hey, thanks ^^ now I’m blushing 😛

SG: Ha. Yr welcome. I wish we lived closer bc I’d like to hang out w you more.
It’s rare I find someone your age interesting and intriguing 🙂 no offense intended!

Me: hahaha, no I understand 🙂 people my age are pretty lame.

SG: Haha, no not at all. Most of u are just being/acting yr age. I can’t relate, but that’s fine, I’m not really supposed to…but u have more depth and maturity. It’s refreshing.

And then he fell asleep in the car.

Valentine’s Day

On Vday, I didn’t have much to do, and I just happened to be hanging out on Facebook. SG chatted me. We talked for a good while about random things and my online dating adventures (although not to the extent that I talk about them here! Hah…), then he had to run off to another soccer game. Either way, he seems like an interesting guy. He’s super nice and laid back, and I had fun hanging out with him. It was refreshing. Maybe I just need to start hanging around older people. Maybe that would help solve my dude issues. *sigh* probs not with my luck. Oh well! Onward and upward!

More to come on two new match guys!

It seems like I’m always apologizing for not posting

I do have a legitimate excuse at the moment, though, considering I don’t currently have internet at my new place. Basically, AT&T told me they could send a worker out to hook everything up for me for $200, OR I could just pay them $100 and they’d ship me the equipment in two weeks. Yeah, which one would you have picked? (As it turns out, all the equipment arrived in the mail today, but they aren’t activating the service until tomorrow after 8pm. Laaaaaaame).

BUT tomorrow evening, if all goes according to plan, I will have the interwebz in mah house at last! #HeckYes

In the meantime, I’ve been to just about every establishment in town that offers free wifi, and unfortunately they don’t all operate on my night-owl schedule. So that’s been difficult. Also, due to the sensitive nature of my blog, I don’t like writing on it in public. And it seems like the last few places I’ve gone to, there’s always been someone to sit directly behind me, and I’m paranoid they’re trying to read over my shoulder (not that anyone would really give a damn about my silly little blog, but it still makes me uncomfortable).

But back to the story

So last week, Belgium barely contacted me at all. He’d take hours to respond to texts (and it’s not like I was texting him that often! No more than twice per day…and we’d gotten in the habit of talking to one another a good bit). A couple times he didn’t respond to a text until the next day.

Just to be clear, I am not the kind of girl who begs for attention from guys. I am the kind of girl that gets fed up with a guy not responding and so in turn doesn’t get in touch with him either. I’m not desperate, and I don’t want to seem like I am. If a guy is not showing interest, I am not going to force myself on him.

Nextttt

Belgium was starting to bug me because he wasn’t responding. So Wednesday of last week, I got back in touch with Readsalot. We scheduled a date for today. (More on that later).

And I have to admit, it was pretty satisfying to be able to tell B that I had already made plans with someone else when he told me it “wasn’t working out”.

I don’t think this is gonna work

At least B had the courtesy to call me. I guess after three dates and some hookup time it would have been pretty shitty for him not to call me. I was in the middle of something when he called, so I didn’t answer. Called him back a few hours later.

The conversation went something like this:

  • Me: Hey, sorry I missed your call, I’ve been kinda busy today.
  • Him: Yeah, me too. I’ve got that robots thing later today [he helps kids build robots. all. the. time.]
  • Me: Oh, well did you want to try to do somethin today? When is your robots thing?
  • Him: In like an hour.
  • Me: Oh.
  • Him: Hey, I’ve been thinking…about us, and I don’t think it’s going to work out.
  • Me: Umm…Yeah, I kind of got that feeling from you this week.
  • Him: Well, it’s not just that, I mean I had a 60 hour work week this week.
  • Me: [rolling my eyes] Right.
  • Him: I mean, it just gave me a lot of time to think about us, and looking back on it, I don’t think we really have that much chemistry – I mean, you believe in chemistry as much as I do, right? There just isn’t that spark, you know?
  • Me: Hmm, yeah, I know what you mean. Match is a numbers game anyway.
  • Him: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
  • Me: Actually, I kind of already set up another date.
  • Him: [choked laughter] Really?
  • Me: Yeah, I mean, it seemed like things were headed this way. [awkward silence]
  • Him: Well this is awkward.
  • Me: Not really. I mean, it’s just interesting to me, I guess. I suppose I’m usually the one telling people I’m not interested.
  • Him: Yeah, I guess I could see that. [awkward silence]
  • Me: Anyway, I hope it wasn’t something I did.
  • Him: No! I mean, we’re both intelligent people, and I really do want to be friends with you – and I truly do mean that, I’m not just saying it to say it.
  • Me: Right. No, I mean I get it. [awkward silence]
  • Him: And I do want to hang out with you again. I have fun with you.
  • Me: Yeah, for sure.
  • Him: I mean, we had fun at the museum, right?
  • Me: Yeah, we did.
  • Him: You’ll have to tell the next guy that he has a lot to live up to!
  • Me: Hah, yeah. It was a pretty good date, but it didn’t work out so… [awkward silence]
  • Him: Umm…
  • Me: Anyway, let me know if you want to hang out this week…I mean, or whenever. [awkward silence]
  • Him: Yeah, definitely.
  • Me: Alright, talk to you later.
  • Him: Bye.

When I hung up he sent me a text message that said, “It’s nice when two level-headed people can just talk and be understanding like that so thank you.”

I felt a little bit like crying, but instead I wrote, “Yes, definitely. Good luck with everything :)”.

I’m over it

When I think about it, I’m glad he ended it when he did. And to be completely honest, after I came home from his place the night I stayed over, all I could think was “run”. So now I’m just happy not to be clinging to something that wouldn’t have worked out (I only really saw it as maybe a 6 month relationship tops anyway), and I’ve also had the opportunity to sit down and think about what I want from this Match experiment after all. And I think what I’ve come up with is a casual relationship (not necessarily exclusive) with someone I have fun being around and who isn’t trying to fill a void with a relationship. Oh yeah, a little good sex wouldn’t hurt either.

The funny thing is

So the best part of this whole story is that now that we’re officially not into each other anymore, he responds to my texts within 10-15 minutes. Or we had one text conversation the other day. It was amazing, he actually responded! I initiated the conversation, though, so it’s possible he was just attempting to show his good intentions of being friendly. Aaanyway, onto bigger and better things! (Besides, what would I write about if I had a steady relationship!?)

Tomorrow: My Coffee/Walking date with Readsalot

So we were snuggling on the couch

The pizza man had arrived in record time, the Ravens were winning, and all was right with the world. And then the power went out in New Orleans. B & and I were already yawning, and B took this opportunity to kiss me.

It got a little intense – clothes coming off and all that, so he grabbed my hand and led me back to his bedroom.

We got down to our underwear in record time

When suddenly he says in an oddly serious voice, “Hey, look at me.” I looked at him. He has big beautiful blue eyes, and at that moment they were very intent on mine. “This is as far as we go tonight, OK?”

“Umm…OK,” I said, a little taken aback. We resumed our activity. At one point he said (in between dry humping) “You know -” pause “I’ve been thinking about you -” pause “a lot today.”

“Oh yeah?” pause “What have you been thinking?”

“Oh, you know -” pause “You challenge me -” pause “mentally, I mean -” pause “and you stimulate me -” pause “intellectually.” Touching, but maybe not the best time to be having a discussion about our compatibility, B. 

Say my name

We moved on from B’s untimely praise, and later he went down on me. In the middle of it, he said to me, “Say my name.” Now, I don’t know if I mentioned this, but this guy is Belgian. I mean, he’s just as American as I am (he moved here at age 3), but he has a Belgian name…ie difficult to pronounce.

So here he is with his mouth at my crotch and telling me to say his name. His name that I don’t know how to pronounce. I thought frantically. Should I ask him how to say it? No, that would ruin the mood. Should I ignore his request? No, then he might just ask again.

So I ended up just saying it how I thought it was pronounced, but kind of mumbled it, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

He didn’t say anything, but the rest of the night he did keep referring to himself in third person. Talk about awkward.

Do you want to sleep over?

So it was getting late, and he lives a good ways from my place, so he asked if I wanted to sleep over. “Do you want me to?” I asked. “Yes. Yes, I do,” he said. “Alright,” I said.

After the Ravens had won the ball on a turnover in the last 3 minutes of the Super Bowl and it was clear the game was over, we retired to his room. Conveniently, I still had my soap and toothbrush and stuff from when I stayed at my parents. We washed ourselves up, got in bed, fooled around a bit, then went to sleep.

I’m not gonna be jerked around

There are so many things you learn about someone when you share a bed with them. I learned that B likes being the little spoon, loves physical contact (he’s really into cuddling) and is a very light sleeper.

A few hours after we went to bed, I had finally slipped into a deep sleep. B and I were back to back. All of a sudden, he bumps me hard with his bum, turns over to face me and says, “Oh, c’mon!”

I jerked awake and tried to turn and cuddle him, “What? What did I do?” I asked, very confused.

“Oh please, I’m not gonna be jerked around like that. I asked you a question and I expect you to answer it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I protested, “I was sleeping!” I turned over to look him in the eyes, “What did you ask?” We looked at each other for a second. Then he finally backed down.

“I could have sworn you’d heard me,” he said, looking down.

“What did you ask?” I said again.

He considered me for a second, then said, “Nothing. I think I was half-asleep, too.” Then he turned over and went back to sleep.

As if nothing ever happened

We got up the next morning and it was as if nothing had happened. We got ready to leave (he had work super early, so it was still dark out), and I kissed him goodbye and got in my car.

Later that day, I got a text message from him. “…Just got home, crashing and calling it a night! I vaguely remember sleep talking last night by the way.”

I then explained what had happened, and he claimed not to remember any of it. Except he must have since he brought it up! Now it seems like he is avoiding me. He’s been bad about returning my texts (it always takes him a few hours), and he made an excuse not to hang out on Wednesday. We haven’t talked on the phone either. It’s getting a little weird.

So I might be going out with Readsalot soon after all…

So on my third date with Belgium we watched the Super Bowl

At his place. And he ordered pizza, and we snuggled on the couch and it was adorable. But it didn’t start that way.

It started on a sketchy dirt road in BFE

(Bum F*ck Egypt…aka middle of nowhere). We had planned to go on another dinner date to this cool sports bar and watch the game there, but I was visiting my folks a few hours away and ended up leaving late. His place was on my way into town, so I suggested we just watch it there (he had already suggested going back to his place after dinner, so it seemed to be part of the plan either way).

He gave me his address, and I entered it into my phone’s GPS. Soon, I was crossing some train tracks and driving ever deeper into what appeared to be a trailer park. I took a wrong turn and ended up on a deserted road littered with rusting industrial equipment and buildings falling into disrepair. Keep in mind, it was completely dark out. And there are no street lights in BFE.

Finally, I arrived at what I thought was his street. It was a dirt road with a few mobile homes on it, and on house at the end with a long, winding driveway. Now keep in mind I had recently watched an indy horror flick that involved a man taking people out to a place not too different from this one and murdering them in various disgusting ways.

Needless to say, I was getting pretty freaked out.

I called him, and he didn’t answer. So I decided to head back to civilization and suggest we meet at a restaurant as was planned before. Finally, he calls me back. I had pretty much convinced myself by then that he was an ax-murderer, so I told him I’d call him back. Then I sent him some text messages asking why he lived in BFE, and then he called me again. I let it ring and ring, until I finally decided to answer right before it went to voicemail.

“Umm, do you live on a dirt road?” I asked, trying – and failing – not to sound weird.

“Uh…no,” came the reply. “Where are you?” he asked.

“Oh!” I explained where I was.

“That is nowhere near my house,” he said, “I live in a normal neighborhood close to civilization.”

“Oh…Ok, good…I was kind of beginning to think you were an ax murderer or something.”

He laughed and then gave me directions to his place.

I brought you a present

When I arrived, it was to a nice house in a nice neighborhood on a cul de sac not far from a CVS. *whew* bullet dodged.

He gave me a hug and asked if I really thought he was an ax murderer.

“Well, I don’t actually know you that well…” I started, “Anyway, I brought you this coffee table book on engineering as a gift. But I was thinking it might double as a blunt object if need be.”

Man I am so smooth.

Up Next, Part II: Say my name!

As a side note, I got hit on at the Post Office today.

I was standing in line behind this guy who had a lot of piercings and tattoos and a haircut that was somewhere between a limp mohawk and an ironic mullet when I noticed that he had this tattoo on the back of his neck: cloudFor those of you who are not huge nerds, this cloud character is from a video called “Rejected Cartoons.” This cloud is jumping around gleefully with his little cloud friends when suddenly one of them starts gushing blood and saying “MY ANUS IS BLEEDING” meanwhile the other clouds keep jumping around gleefully. Yeah.

My Crazy Australian Host Brother

I first saw this cartoon when I was in Australia, staying with a host family, and my 17 year-old host brother (I was 14 at the time) decided it would be a good idea to show me this video as a first activity in a new country after spending 14 hours on a plane. And right before taking me out back to show me his home made potato launcher and read me passages from Marx’s Communist Manifesto. I kid you not. BUT that is a story for another day.

Unwarranted (but not unwelcome) Advice

So I was smiling to myself about this little cloud person and my ridiculous related experiences, when the man with the cloud tattoo turned and glanced back at me. Busted. But he turned away again, and I headed over to the next window.

As I was leaving, though, the man called to me, “Hey!” he said, and then seemed to shrink back as if aware he’d been unnecessarily loud, “Umm, you know if you want to get rid of the little bumps on the back of your cartilage piercings, you should just put peroxide on them with a q-tip until they’re gone. I’m a piercer, so that’s how I know.” Awkward pause. “Are you looking to get more piercings? You should come see me at my studio x. It’s just down the street.”

“Oh, hey, thanks,”I said, trying not to be weird (or tell him how awesome his cloud tattoo was), “I was actually thinking of getting a third cartilage piercing, now that you mention it. Maybe I’ll stop by,” I waved awkwardly as I headed to the exit, “See ya later.”

OH YEAH I FORGOT

In the meantime, the postman, who was an older black man with very crooked teeth and a name tag that read “David”, was literally awww-ing us. Way to make an awkward sitch even more awkward, Dave.

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