Lordy, where do I start.
Have been feeling a little down in the dumps today for some reason. Maybe it’s the lack of wine. Or pre-PMS. Or maybe it’s because the weather here is so damned dreary.
There’s also this little situation of unrequited love. Ok, I’m being a bit melodramatic, but yeah there’s this guy that I’ve been crushing on since I got here (he’s actually my fitness instructor…), and there’s a whole saga that I’m not going to go into (let’s just say that it was pretty, um, clear when he was helping me with my form that he’s also, um, shall we say “interested” in me…ok that sounds like he groped me. He didn’t grope me, but he definitely…reacted to me). The only issue is that the man has got to be in his forties (and I’m in my mid-twenties) so I imagine that he’s trying to avoid a sexual harassment suit. Which is the reason I’m giving for his not having asked me out (also the possibility that he is married). But it could also be these damned Scotsmen and their damned humility. People don’t have confidence here like we Americans do. In some ways it’s refreshing, but in others it’s just damned frustrating.
In any case, I’d do the deed myself but whenever I develop a crush on somebody I can’t manage to string two words together to form any kind of coherent sentence around them. It’s a curse, I know (and is more or less the true root of all my love problems). So yes, silent suffering. There is a gathering this weekend for our fitness group at a restaurant where we shall likely all converse and be normal people, so maybe that will be good, but maybe he won’t be there, I don’t know. In any case, I’ve done the other thing I often do in these drawn out situations: I’ve kind of gotten over it. That’s the worst. A situation arises that I might actually be able to take advantage of, but I’ve already given up hope on the man, and my attraction to him has started to wane. Oh well.
Then there’s this art thing that I participated in way back a few months ago and sort of did a half-assed job on. And it was for this really awesome dude that I totally respect and admire and if he were even slightly interested in me I’d totally have his babies, but he’s not, boo hoo. Anyway, he finished the art thing and sent out emails today to everyone involved in it, and of course it made my heart leap and I’m all missing home now. Goddammit.