So on my third date with Belgium we watched the Super Bowl
At his place. And he ordered pizza, and we snuggled on the couch and it was adorable. But it didn’t start that way.
It started on a sketchy dirt road in BFE
(Bum F*ck Egypt…aka middle of nowhere). We had planned to go on another dinner date to this cool sports bar and watch the game there, but I was visiting my folks a few hours away and ended up leaving late. His place was on my way into town, so I suggested we just watch it there (he had already suggested going back to his place after dinner, so it seemed to be part of the plan either way).
He gave me his address, and I entered it into my phone’s GPS. Soon, I was crossing some train tracks and driving ever deeper into what appeared to be a trailer park. I took a wrong turn and ended up on a deserted road littered with rusting industrial equipment and buildings falling into disrepair. Keep in mind, it was completely dark out. And there are no street lights in BFE.
Finally, I arrived at what I thought was his street. It was a dirt road with a few mobile homes on it, and on house at the end with a long, winding driveway. Now keep in mind I had recently watched an indy horror flick that involved a man taking people out to a place not too different from this one and murdering them in various disgusting ways.
Needless to say, I was getting pretty freaked out.
I called him, and he didn’t answer. So I decided to head back to civilization and suggest we meet at a restaurant as was planned before. Finally, he calls me back. I had pretty much convinced myself by then that he was an ax-murderer, so I told him I’d call him back. Then I sent him some text messages asking why he lived in BFE, and then he called me again. I let it ring and ring, until I finally decided to answer right before it went to voicemail.
“Umm, do you live on a dirt road?” I asked, trying – and failing – not to sound weird.
“Uh…no,” came the reply. “Where are you?” he asked.
“Oh!” I explained where I was.
“That is nowhere near my house,” he said, “I live in a normal neighborhood close to civilization.”
“Oh…Ok, good…I was kind of beginning to think you were an ax murderer or something.”
He laughed and then gave me directions to his place.
I brought you a present
When I arrived, it was to a nice house in a nice neighborhood on a cul de sac not far from a CVS. *whew* bullet dodged.
He gave me a hug and asked if I really thought he was an ax murderer.
“Well, I don’t actually know you that well…” I started, “Anyway, I brought you this coffee table book on engineering as a gift. But I was thinking it might double as a blunt object if need be.”
Man I am so smooth.