Round 1: Wine bar with Milwaukee
I think I knew what M was looking for from the beginning. Which means this episode is entirely on me. *sigh* I need to get better at saying no to people. (I’m learning, really!)
He was one of the first people to email me, if not the very first. In his email he mentioned how beautiful he thought I was and that I must be “overwhelmed with suitors”. Alright.
I made the mistake of turning on IM capabilities
He IM’d me a few nights ago and started pelting me with questions. I was having issues with my computer and feeling a little defensive about my job (I work contract gigs so I don’t always have work), and this guy was just putting me off. I was so annoyed that I told him he was putting me off. I then tried to explain to him how to have a conversation. For some reason, he stuck around for a while, even though I was practically insulting him.
Mistake #2: I gave him my phone number
And the text messages and phone calls began. He called me after work the next day. Mistake #3: I answered. He started off the phone call with a “hey, how are you?” Well I’m just peachy, M, does this phone call have a purpose? Then he started rattling off the things he’d done that day like a good little husband to his good little wife.
The only way I could think to get him to stop talking was to suggest a date. Admittedly, this is not a great way to convey your lack of interest in someone, but it was a short term solution to a short term problem that threatened to go on and on and on and on.
So the date
We went to this lovely wine bar downtown that I’d never been to. I was running late, so I texted him to let him know. “A fine lady is worth waiting for” he texted back. Umm…alright.
I walked in and spotted him. He looked much older in person than he had in his picture. He also looked significantly chubbier. I’m trying not to be petty, but sexual attraction is a big part of a relationship for me. I’m not desperate, so I’m not going to settle for someone I’m not attracted to.
I sat down next to him and started a conversation. I can practically talk to a brick wall (because of my southern upbringing), so I didn’t have much trouble finding things to talk about.
He was a little twitchy
Milwaukee was clearly nervous, and he had this little tick where he’d roll his eyes to one side. He did this many times throughout the course of the evening. I pretended like I didn’t notice.
He bought me a glass of wine from the super hot bartender (why wasn’t I on a date with him!?) and we also had cheese and bruschetta. Also, the bartender pronounced it brusketa, the way it’s pronounced in Italian. I was impressed.
It would have been bad form to give my number to the bartender, so I didn’t. But I made a mental note to go back there and chat him up. No really, he was super cute. Totally my type. Unlike Milwaukee, who was an aging, slightly chubby, slightly stuck-up man with a complex about wines and an obsession with children and jumping on the fast-track to marriage. No thank you.
Also, he got tears in his eyes when he started talking about his dog he rescued. It wasn’t even a dramatic story.
Bathroom Text Message
At one point I got up to go to the bathroom. And I receive a text message while I’m in there. From Milwaukee, who is still sitting at the bar. The same bar whose facilities I am currently using.
The text message reads: “You’re beautiful”.
Umm, ok? Way to make me feel kind of uncomfortable. And kind of like a trophy wife. And I don’t mind compliments, but this guy had told me I’m beautiful in about 3 different emails and on IM AND via text AND NOW in a Bathroom Text Message. Now tell me that isn’t uncomfortable.
Then he starts talking about his weight
I don’t remember how this came up. I’m pretty sure he just launched into the subject at random. I tried to divert the conversation, but he plowed on. “I’m about 15 pounds heavier than my ideal weight.” He said to me, then continued, “But you know, it’s just so hard when you eat lunch at work and they just have this salad bar or a steamy hot hamburger and fries. And when you’re working hard, you just want that hamburger and those fries, you know?” I just nodded and waited for his tirade to subside.
It lasted way longer than it should have. Clearly his weight was a sensitive subject, and one he felt he needed to explain. He had, after all, written on his profile that he was training for a marathon and had run some in the past. That’s more than a little misleading.
Finally, the date ended
I’d had two glasses of wine and some delicious food. The conversation wasn’t bad, and I had enjoyed myself – or maybe I was just tipsy enough to overlook the awkward moments – like when he was coming out from the bathroom and ran a finger down my back as he walked to his seat. And I had to pretend like I wasn’t super uncomfortable.
But afterward, he tried to get me to go to another bar with him. I made up some excuse about an early morning yoga class (that’s what I used with Jimmm, too).
He walked me to the parking deck where I parked my car (one of my rules is always park at least a few blocks away so that you can disappear without him seeing where you went if you need to). I gave him a hug, he tried to kiss me, I avoided his kiss and just hugged him again. Then I high-tailed it to my car and drove home.
This guy is looking for a serious relationship. In fact, he seems to want to be on the fast track to marriage and babyland. From the day I responded to him on Match, he contacted me on such a regular basis you’d think we’d been dating for ages already. This is a classic clinger case and I am SO not interested.
On a Scale of 1-10
Common Values: 6
Common Interests: 5
Sense of Humor: 4
Gryffindor Jimmm Milwaukee
- Brown Trout
- Mr. Ordinary
- Cars, Guns, and Horses
- Mr. Fun & Caring