sometimes I just need someone to tell me I’m being ridiculous

I am full of ridiculous.

No really, I’m full of it. Way back many months ago, I met saw this guy at a film festival, and I had a premonition. Hold that thought, let me back up. Prepare yourself for a ridiculous question.

Have any of you read Eat, Pray, Love? Do you remember that scene where she is sobbing in her bathroom and decides to ask God what she should do? And then she hears a voice that tells her calmly and with certainty, “Go back to bed”?

Minus all of the sobbing and drama, a similar thing happened to me.

I was sitting in a coffee shop working on my computer, trying to decide if I was going to attend the film festival, which was several hours away. I would have to leave that day. Eventually, I decided that since I hardly knew anyone there, I’d stay home. But right as I began to settle in to spend the rest of the day on my computer at the cafe, I heard a voice in my head. “Go to the festival,” it said. It sounded so clear and so certain, that upon hearing it, I immediately shut down my computer, put it away and went home to pack.

A few days later, it happened again

I was sitting with some friends in the theater at the festival. We had just finished watching a short film. At the end of it, there was a Q&A with some of the people involved. As they walked to the front, one man caught my eye. “Holy shit that’s him” the voice, my voice, said in my mind (my holy spirit is kind of profane), and I knew at that moment with absolute certainty that that was the man I was meant to be with.

The strangest thing about it is that he had starred in the film, and while I was watching it, I’d felt no particular attraction to him, no jolt, no nothing. It was only when I saw him in person that I had that reaction.

I told you I am full of ridiculous

After the event let out, I calmed myself down and began to think more rationally. I walked right by him for a better look and decided I was mistaken. I didn’t think about him again until I was working on a film set with him a month or two later.

Awkwardness ensues

As I’m sure you can imagine, I let my awkwardness get the best of me and generally avoided him the entire shoot, though I found I enjoyed being around him. I felt like there was some weirdness between us, but likely it was just because of my inability to act like a normal human.

A few months later, I was working on another film, got in a bind and asked for his help, which he granted willingly, going so far as to get other people involved with the project, too (I forgot to mention that he is the most giving person I have ever met). A month or so after the film wrapped, I sent him a thank you card. Suddenly, my (real) website gets a ton of hits from a very particular search term, and then he sends me a tweet signed XOXO.

I love to over-analyze

So I called my friend J. And as I told her the story and heard the words come out of my mouth, I realized with abject clarity exactly how ridiculous I sounded, and I could practically hear J raising her eyebrows. “I think you need to not think too much into it,” she said, and that was that. Done-zo. She could have just as easily said, “Stop being such a superstitious paranoid flake and focus on somebody who exists,” and it would have gotten the same message across. I am full of ridiculous, and sometimes it just takes somebody to tell me that before I realize it myself.

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