I love awkward Christmas parties

Hello faithful readers

(all of whom I have probably lost considering my last post was, oh, 3 months ago)

Truth is, I took on too much responsibility with a film project I was doing, and I didn’t have time to update and yada yada…Then it had been so long since I’d updated that I didn’t know where to start with my stories.

So I figure I’ll just start with today.

Scene: Christmas party thrown every year by my parents’ church friends and attended by their kids, kids’ spouses and kids, et al.

My face: not looking its best considering I forgot to pack my face lotion and the body lotion I used instead created a slight break out. Of course, I can’t leave zits alone, so I picked at them until they bled. I almost wore a band aid on my face to the party.

The Situation: EVERYONE my age (minus my brother and me) is married and most with at least one child.

Let’s not forget: Also unmarried is one of my childhood crushes, who is looking studious, lanky and adorable. He supposedly has a long-term girlfriend. She is not there.

The plan: AVOID childhood crush like the plague.

It works: until I realize that my place marker is directly across from him at the dinner table.

Revised plan: talk to people on either side of me and hope that childhood crush is engaged in conversation with other people.

Awkward glance: girl I’m talking to makes insulting comment without realizing it. Childhood crush and I both laugh, exchange glance. I feel uncomfortable and push food around on my plate with my fork.

Awkward story: Somehow I begin telling guy next to childhood crush a terribly long and boring story, including them both in the conversation.

Story ends: I look for excuse to desert the scene. Dessert is announced. Impeccable timing.

Triumphant return: everyone returns from serving dessert and conversation picks back up. I hear the guy sitting next to childhood crush say, “So don’t keep me in the dark, are you engaged yet?” Childhood crush quickly changes the subject. I try to disappear into my key lime pie.

Oh yeah Christmas Carols: once everyone finishes eating, we all gather round to sing Christmas carols, as is tradition. Most people cringe at the idea of singing 15 consecutive songs with a bunch of people you only see once a year, but I say it’s better than repeating the same 5 facts about yourself to every one of those people 3 times over.

Caroling terminated: after the caroling, my family and I wander about a bit as people slowly file out. Childhood crush’s mom asks me if he has told me about his former roommate who now lives in the same town as me. He hasn’t.

He’ll facebook you: she seems to be trying very hard to get us to talk. When it didn’t seem like we were going to talk, she says he’ll add me on facebook. We’re already facebook friends.

Time to go: I start to ask him about his roommate, but my ride is leaving, so I tell him he’d have to tell me later, then give him a hug and leave.

I guess by later I meant this time next year.


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