It would have been cute…if it weren’t so creepy

Back in college, I wrote an opinion article about art that was published alongside my picture in our school newspaper. A couple days later, as I was eating my lunch in the dining hall, this kid came up to me to talk about my article, and then he asked me out.

Dining Hall Date

I met him the next day at the dining hall for a “lunch date”. He was waiting for me when I arrived, sitting on the couch in the atrium reading…a Bible.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just reading my Bible,” he said, closing it and tucking it under his arm.

Now, I’m not one to judge you on your religious affiliation, but this whole situation seemed a little canned to me. I made it through the date – it was a little awkward – but I made it through.

I made the mistake of telling him where I work

The next day, as I was running to work at the on-campus coffee shop at 7 am (I’m not a morning person), I burst out of the door to my dorm, only to find Bible guy standing there holding a coffee and a paper bag.

“I brought you some breakfast,” he said, handing me the coffee.

“Oh! Uh…thanks,” I took a sip of the coffee. It was already cold. He had gone off campus, bought the food, and waited in front of my dorm long enough for the coffee to get cold. Wow.

He walked me the rest of the way to the cafe, then asked when I’d be getting off. My shift ended in 4 hours. He said maybe he’d see me then.

Here’s where it gets weird

Four hours later, I walked out into the sunlight and found him standing there…again. He was a little ways off the sidewalk, in the grass, but as I walked out, he looked up and headed towards me.

“I found these for you while you were at work,” he said, holding up not one, but two four-leaf clovers. He had been standing there, searching the clover for four hours, waiting for me to get done at work. I decided it was time I put a stop to this. I told him in the nicest way possible that I just wanted to be friends.

Later that evening, I received an angry email from him that said, among other things, “I’m sorry you can’t handle the fact that I’m religious.” Wut.

I told you that story to tell you this story

Somehow, I have a habit of attracting creepy-cute guys. I don’t know how I manage it – maybe it’s because I’m too nice. In any case, remember the three guys I met at my favorite bar a couple of weeks ago? And I totally thought I’d put them off by my awkward comment. Apparently I was much more charming than I’d thought. Because one of those guys flagged me down last week.

I was just wandering around at my favorite bar (as I have a habit of doing), when he started chatting to me. He seemed nice enough, so I talked to him for a second (he had already reminded me that we’d met the week before), then I went on my merry way. A little while later, he came up to my group with his friend (the guy that had come up to M&M and me the week before and had apparently been among the guys I’d met the week before that. mystery. solved.) and we all got to know each other better.

I made the mistake of giving him my business card

We were talking about business cards and such, and I made the mistake of giving chatty guy mine. The next day I received an email from him titled “I smelled your beer“. It started like this:

“I totally meant it when I said that we should be friends. Since getting to know someone can take a long time, here are some important things about me”.

And he went on to list in two (not short) paragraphs some “important things about him”, ending with

“Other things I love are ripe peaches, clean sheets, climbing trees, playing kickball, and discussing great art. For the record, cynicism is my least favorite quality in a person.”

Either he’s really trying to impress me, or everything he knows about dating he learned from eharmony.com. Probably a little of both.

The funny thing is, I totally would have considered hanging out with this guy until he sent me this cover-letter-like email that ended with what sounded like a warning: “BTW you better not be cynical.”

He invited me to a crepe party a couple days later. I didn’t go.

Oh, the internet age

It’s kind of sad what the internet is doing to our relationships. Instead of gradually learning all the interesting things about people, we expect to know them now! Through facebook, twitter, blogging et al, it’s very easy to know intimate things about a person before you go on a first date. Chatty guy had my number. If he’d called or texted and invited me to do something, I probably would have gone. Instead, he tried to jump the gun on the relationship and ended up shooting himself in the foot.

Yes, chatty guy, “getting to know someone can take a long time”. That’s the fun of it.

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3 comments
  1. JustYourNotSoAverageGirl said:

    I love the part when he said you better not be cynical lol!

    • sexyawkward said:

      haha, right? As if he had the room to be demanding.

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