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Monthly Archives: September 2012

Hola readers. I know, I know it’s been something like 2 weeks since I’ve written. That is largely due to the fact that I just finished up working on one film and started another. I’ve been tres tres busy.

Sorry for the super dramatic title, btw. It’s only a reference to a Doors song…and the fact that I just finished a job. NBD.

Last weekend, I

The wrap party for our film was last weekend (14th-16th). I dragged my feet a little bit before going because I knew awkward hookup guy would be there, but eventually I made it and had a good time. Luckily, he’s a nice guy, and not a creep (unlike some other guys I know…and I have a new one to add to the “cute but creepy” category – more on that in a sec) and so he took my cue and didn’t make things uncomfortable or follow me around all night.

Can’t say the same for this guy. The couple of weeks following our introduction, he became more and more bold, going so far as to sidle up close to me while everyone was intent on what was happening on set and whisper in my ear in a sultry tone, “wanna hang out later?” (I wish this were an exaggeration, but it’s not).

A blind octogenarian would have picked up on my discomfort, but this guy was so blindsided by his own disbelief that anyone could possibly not be into him that he didn’t notice how I practically jumped out of my skin, made some hurried reply and stayed as far from him as possible for the rest of the night.

Later

The following night, he text messaged me, asking if I wanted to go dancing downtown. “Oh, downtown’s not really my scene,” I replied, then made the mistake of telling him I was just hanging with some friends at my favorite bar.

“Ok, well I’ll just stop by then,” he wrote, even though I hadn’t invited him.

Literally three minutes later he found us sitting outside, a beer already in his hand. I was so surprised that I said, “Woah, do you live around the corner or something? That was fast!”

“I live downtown,” he said. Then nodded awkwardly for 30 minutes as my friend M and I carried on with our conversation. He stayed until we left. My friends M&M seemed quite taken with him (probably because he wasn’t trying to hit on them) and insisted that he come to an event I had invited them to. He said he’d definitely be there. Joy.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot…he’s gay

And here’s the other thing. Most everyone (and by most everyone I mean the two people) I’ve talked to about this guy who knew him said the same thing, “I thought he was gay?”

At my favorite bar, he introduced us to a friend he’d run into there.

“Oh, how do you guys know each other?” I asked.

“Cock-fighting,” the other guy immediately replied, then shared a glance with creepy guy, chuckling.

And here we are

So at the wrap party, he kept coming up behind me and touching my hip, or scratching the small of my back, and then wandering off. Eventually, he tried his “get uncomfortably close and ask me to dinner” approach. I lied and said I had to work, then avoided looking at him until he walked away.

“That guy’s kind of a stalker,” my friend said as Creepy walked off.

Later, I got drunk on Jack and Cokes (normally I’m a beer girl) and played some volleyball (and by played I mean, pranced around the turf proclaiming “I’m terrible at this game when I’m sober!”).

Giggles was there with angry stare guy. She was much more pleasant this time around. Just a little vapid.

You don’t have to go home…

I have a tendency when I go out to feel the need to do something worth staying up so late. I always want to have an adventure. When the bar called last call at 12:30 and then we all left about an hour later, I was not ready to go home. So I got in a car with my friend and awkward hookup guy. Somehow I felt this was not a coincidence. I made sure there were plenty of objects placed between us on the seat. He didn’t seem to notice.

We went to one of the crew’s apartments downtown and lounged on the balcony for a couple of hours smoking cigarettes (I never smoke…literally like a once-a-year kind of thing) talking about who knows what. Eventually, I realized that nothing adventurous was going to happen, so I called a cab and headed downstairs. Awkward hookup guy trailed behind me.

Wait, wait don’t tell me

I jumped in my cab, closed the door and gave him the address. We were off in no time. A minute later, awkward hookup guy texted me, “I thought we were going to share a cab?”

“Whoops!” I wrote back. I can be kinda bitchy when I’m drunk and not interested in you.

“Well, let me know if you want to hang out later,” he wrote. It was past 4 am. I told him I was going to sleep.

A few minutes later, he wrote, “A cab driver just told me, “I hope all your ups and downs be between the sheets.”

I wrote back, “Ha.”

It’s Saturday night after our department dinner, and we’re all walking back to our cars. Friday was my last day on the show, so I wanted to stay out and celebrate, but no one else seemed keen on having a late night.

“Fancy seeing you here”

As I’m walking by the downtown pizza place, I’m stopped mid-stride by one of the transpo guys on the film. “It’s my 10th anniversary!” He announced, swaying a little. Following close behind him were two women who looked to be about my age or a little older. One was his wife. The other one was my leasing agent at my apartment complex. For some reason, I wasn’t surprised to see her there.

“You have to come in and hang out,” she said, mentioning that a couple of the PAs from the film were there, too. One of the PAs, she said, “is so in love with you. You have to come in for a little while at least!”

Well that’s an interesting tidbit of info I didn’t foresee. This guy (we’ll call him Medi because he looks kind of Mediterranean) was the one guy on set that I didn’t think had any interest in me. Either my leasing agent is making shit up, or Medi is very good at hiding his feelings. To everyone but me. Because why else would my leasing agent know?

So of course I hung out for a bit

I wasn’t particularly interested in Medi, but I did feel like making a night of it, and I thought I might run into this guy later so I stuck around at the pizza place and watched transpo guy show us the same magic trick 14 times until they were all ready to move on to the next location.

As we walked out, transpo guy and his wife said their goodbyes, then my leasing agent and her boyfriend split off from us with the other PA, leaving me alone with Medi. Wtf, I smell a ploy. My leasing agent seemed simultaneously concerned and excited for me. I didn’t know how I felt about the whole ordeal, but I figured I’d let it play out. Probs not my wisest of choices.

“Oh, so you’re the wife?”

Medi and I walked up to the bar and immediately ran into someone from the show who then introduced us to his girlfriend. “Oh so you’re the wife?” she asked me. Uh, no. I ain’t nobody’s wife. And I’m definitely not this guy’s wife. I corrected her – perhaps a little too abruptly – then turned to Medi and said, “I just got mistaken as your wife.”

The girl’s boyfriend said to her, “No no, it’s [the other PA] who has a wife.” Then he turned to Medi and said, “So it’s you she likes? I thought it was [the other PA].” Umm, hello? I’m standing right here. Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I can’t hear you. Also, who started that rumor? Truth is, I never had romantic thoughts towards either of them.

Bad art and a loud bar

I’m not exactly a bar-hoppin kinda girl. I’m much more of a find a favorite bar and go there. All the time. As you may have noticed if you’ve read any of my previous posts. And my favorite bar isn’t exactly in the thick of things, so I’m pretty out-of-the-loop when it comes to going downtown. So, needless to say, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this bar.

As we walked into the bar, we were greeted by migraine-inducingly loud music and an array of bad art. Then we ran into two accountants from the show and I decided to get a drink.

Mystery solved

Medi and I had planned on meeting up with more people from the show, so I wasn’t too concerned about being stuck with him the whole night. I never thought I’d voluntarily put myself in that position. But as I was chatting with the accountants, this guy walked up to the group. And on his arm was the puniest little giggly thing I’ve ever seen in club attire.

So maybe I was predisposed to be annoyed at her because of who she was with, but she seemed like the kind of person I make a habit of avoiding. I’m sure you know the type – black club-y dress, metallic 4 inch heels, 5 feet tall and double-zero waist with long hair overly flat-ironed. I don’t think I heard her say a single word; she just giggled. A lot.

I’m starting to notice a pattern here. Guys who give me the angry stare are attached. This could mean one of two things: A) they’re annoyed that they’re attracted to me and their annoyance translates to anger or B) they think I’m into them and they want to keep me at arm’s length

Either way, angry stare guy was otherwise occupied. I noticed Medi standing by himself a little ways away, and I excused myself from the group and went over to chat with him.

So you like Picasso?

Somehow I found myself in an argument with Medi over the bad art that was on display all over the bar. Sometimes I think I form very deep opinions on things that should simply be disregarded. This was one of those times. I think I am too bull-headed for my own good. Maybe that’s why I’m single.

Anyway, it was kind of cute how Medi tried to impress me with this art talk, even going so far as looking up a specific painting online. In the middle of our discussion, giggly girl came over and tapped Medi on the shoulder to wave goodbye. She giggled as she pranced off.

We ended up on bar stools at a corner of the bar discussing who knows what until the bar closed. Quite frankly, I think I was enjoying it because he was so interested in learning about me. Everything I said or did impressed him, and there’s a certain bizarre enjoyment in being admired, even by someone you’re not particularly interested in yourself.

I need to learn to make decisions faster

Usually I am the queen of snap decisions, but when it comes to my love life I have a tendency to vacillate. So when Medi asked me if he could come back to my apartment my brain weighed the pros and cons: I’m not very attracted to him, but he’s a nice guy, but I’m not very attracted to him, but I haven’t been laid in 8 months, but I’m not very attracted to him, but there’s beer in the fridge…and on it went until he asked again and I sort of said, “well…” and then we walked back to my car and drove home.

So are you gonna make a move?

So we got back to my apartment and…nothing happened. We sat around listening to music and chatting for a couple hours, until Medi announced he was going to sleep. And, if I didn’t mind, he was going to sleep in my bed. “umm…” another one of those hesitating moments. “Is that OK?” he pressed. “Uh…I guess…” Then he spotted my guitar and started playing for a few minutes. I lay down on the bed and just listened, wondering how I’d gotten to this point – with this strange man on my bed playing my guitar.

Eventually, he put the guitar away, took off his shoes and crawled into bed in his jeans. “Can I turn that light out?” he asked me. I hesitated again. “Well I’m going to turn this light out,” he said, getting up and turning it out. As soon as he lay down, I said, “well alright then. I’m going to put on my PJs.” I deliberately left the light on in my closet as I changed clothes, back to him. Then I crawled in bed and kissed him.

Awkward hand jobs

“You know, I really thought you would have just gone to sleep in my bed without ever making a move,” I said to him after a minute.

“Did you really think that?” he asked.

“well…”

The rest of the episode involved too much awkward hand action, him getting my clothes off as soon as he could (which I never find to be a turn on – when a guy is too eager to see the clothes fly…maybe I just don’t like it because it makes me feel vulnerable and not in-control), bad breath, and him saying “I may not come.” That was kind of the last straw for me. I gave him a look and then rolled over and put my back to him.

What now

After a minute, I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I got up, put on some clothes and then went in the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Conveniently, my roommate moved out early, so there was another room with another bed in it. After I left the bathroom, I walked to the other room and slept in there.

When the sun came up (only a few hours later) I heard Medi talking on the phone, and he appeared moments later to tell me that his ride was there to pick him up. I had already gotten up and was pretending to make tea to try and lessen the awkwardness of me sleeping in the other room.

He didn’t seem to notice considering he asked for my phone number before leaving. I avoided kissing him when he left by giving him a hug instead. He called me an hour later, and I ignored it.

He apparently didn’t think anything was wrong

Judging by the fact that he asked me out to dinner before he left and then via text later that day, he apparently didn’t see anything strange in my behavior towards him. After he asked me to hang out the second time, I wrote, “Hey, I had a good time, but I think I need to spend some time by myself right now.”

I’m still not sure if I got the message across. At least he hasn’t tried to contact me since then.

Back in college, I wrote an opinion article about art that was published alongside my picture in our school newspaper. A couple days later, as I was eating my lunch in the dining hall, this kid came up to me to talk about my article, and then he asked me out.

Dining Hall Date

I met him the next day at the dining hall for a “lunch date”. He was waiting for me when I arrived, sitting on the couch in the atrium reading…a Bible.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just reading my Bible,” he said, closing it and tucking it under his arm.

Now, I’m not one to judge you on your religious affiliation, but this whole situation seemed a little canned to me. I made it through the date – it was a little awkward – but I made it through.

I made the mistake of telling him where I work

The next day, as I was running to work at the on-campus coffee shop at 7 am (I’m not a morning person), I burst out of the door to my dorm, only to find Bible guy standing there holding a coffee and a paper bag.

“I brought you some breakfast,” he said, handing me the coffee.

“Oh! Uh…thanks,” I took a sip of the coffee. It was already cold. He had gone off campus, bought the food, and waited in front of my dorm long enough for the coffee to get cold. Wow.

He walked me the rest of the way to the cafe, then asked when I’d be getting off. My shift ended in 4 hours. He said maybe he’d see me then.

Here’s where it gets weird

Four hours later, I walked out into the sunlight and found him standing there…again. He was a little ways off the sidewalk, in the grass, but as I walked out, he looked up and headed towards me.

“I found these for you while you were at work,” he said, holding up not one, but two four-leaf clovers. He had been standing there, searching the clover for four hours, waiting for me to get done at work. I decided it was time I put a stop to this. I told him in the nicest way possible that I just wanted to be friends.

Later that evening, I received an angry email from him that said, among other things, “I’m sorry you can’t handle the fact that I’m religious.” Wut.

I told you that story to tell you this story

Somehow, I have a habit of attracting creepy-cute guys. I don’t know how I manage it – maybe it’s because I’m too nice. In any case, remember the three guys I met at my favorite bar a couple of weeks ago? And I totally thought I’d put them off by my awkward comment. Apparently I was much more charming than I’d thought. Because one of those guys flagged me down last week.

I was just wandering around at my favorite bar (as I have a habit of doing), when he started chatting to me. He seemed nice enough, so I talked to him for a second (he had already reminded me that we’d met the week before), then I went on my merry way. A little while later, he came up to my group with his friend (the guy that had come up to M&M and me the week before and had apparently been among the guys I’d met the week before that. mystery. solved.) and we all got to know each other better.

I made the mistake of giving him my business card

We were talking about business cards and such, and I made the mistake of giving chatty guy mine. The next day I received an email from him titled “I smelled your beer“. It started like this:

“I totally meant it when I said that we should be friends. Since getting to know someone can take a long time, here are some important things about me”.

And he went on to list in two (not short) paragraphs some “important things about him”, ending with

“Other things I love are ripe peaches, clean sheets, climbing trees, playing kickball, and discussing great art. For the record, cynicism is my least favorite quality in a person.”

Either he’s really trying to impress me, or everything he knows about dating he learned from eharmony.com. Probably a little of both.

The funny thing is, I totally would have considered hanging out with this guy until he sent me this cover-letter-like email that ended with what sounded like a warning: “BTW you better not be cynical.”

He invited me to a crepe party a couple days later. I didn’t go.

Oh, the internet age

It’s kind of sad what the internet is doing to our relationships. Instead of gradually learning all the interesting things about people, we expect to know them now! Through facebook, twitter, blogging et al, it’s very easy to know intimate things about a person before you go on a first date. Chatty guy had my number. If he’d called or texted and invited me to do something, I probably would have gone. Instead, he tried to jump the gun on the relationship and ended up shooting himself in the foot.

Yes, chatty guy, “getting to know someone can take a long time”. That’s the fun of it.

So I’m supposedly hanging out with awkward hug guy again tonight. He texted me earlier to see what I was up to. “No plans as of yet,” I wrote, “what about you?”

He responded with, “trying to play some pool and hang out with you, if you’ve got the time.”

That sounds suspiciously like a date

Last week, I went to a fundraiser for his moped gang at my favorite bar. He invited me the morning of, and I didn’t get the text until an hour before the event started. I leisurely got ready, did a few things, and then mosied over to the bar by myself an hour before it was supposed to end.

I have to admit, I was extremely conflicted about going because A) I didn’t have anyone to bring with me and B) I was still embarrassed about the awkward hug episode.

Ultimately I decided it would be better to go and make things less awkward between us rather than just let that friendship die because of one awkward moment. So I went.

I got there and…

The first person I see is beautiful look-alike drummer boy. I swear, this kid is haunting me or something. But apparently, he’s in the same moped gang as awkward hug guy. And he also looks a lot younger in daylight. Like maybe 20 or 21.

Anyway, I panicked a little bit, scanned the crowd for my friend, didn’t see him, then turned around and pulled out my phone to call him. All of a sudden, he appeared at my shoulder. I waved, and things were a little awkward for a second, but then he introduced me to his friends, who I instantly started chatting with, and all was well.

Awkwardness ensues (what’s new?)

Later, I was standing around chatting with my friend and the three guys he introduced me to, when look-alike drummer boy walks up and starts talking to the guys.

This is what my brain did: “buh… . .  . .   .     .”

I looked down and tried not to blush. It was kind of a difficult feat. I think I did manage to smile at him at one point, but then I looked away quickly. Because holy shit. The kid is beautiful.

Anyway, he eventually wandered off somewhere else, and I stuck around for a little while longer, then said my goodbyes and left. Awkward hug guy said he’d text me later to see what I was up to. I didn’t hear from him until this weekend. And we’re supposedly going to play pool again.

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