I went to my favorite bar again last night (2 more check ins and I’ll be the mayor…no really), and awkward date guy was there. Everything was going swell at first – there was a good crowd, a decent band, and I had a posse! I have to admit, I have been getting a lot better at making friends. I’m actually quite good at it. It’s just the whole making friends with guys I’m interested in thing that is difficult.
But before I continue with the bar story, let me back up a bit.
Friday, I worked almost all night because the film I’m working on is doing night shoots this week. I got home very late, and was feeling a little drunk on exhaustion (yeah, one of those kinds of days). By 5:30 I was considering driving to the beach to watch the sunrise. Then I found out that this guy I’ve been crushing on for a little while has a girlfriend. Which was kind of depressing. So then all I felt like doing was moping. So I went to bed instead (like a normal person).
When I got up, I found that I was very homesick. I called my dad, and he didn’t answer. I called my sister, but she was busy. I’m not normally the kind of person to sit around and mope, so I went to a yoga class to lift my spirits. During the class, I concentrated my energy on other things going on in my life – things that didn’t involve men. After the class, I decided to spend a little time alone, so I grabbed a book and headed downtown.
Making friends on a “don’t give a fuck” kind of day
It was a very “don’t give a fuck” day, so I figured a glass of wine would be more soothing than a cup of coffee to go with my book. Strangely enough, when I put on my “don’t give a fuck” attitude, I have a tendency to meet more people. Funny how that works. At the wine bar, I ordered a glass and sat on the couch to read.
There was a girl already sitting there working on her computer. She struck up a conversation, and we chatted for a good 30 or 45 minutes and exchanged contact info before I left. See what I mean about making friends? Now if only I could get over my “cute guy jitters” and be as comfortable and relaxed when I’m talking to guys I’m interested in.
At one point, she mentioned her boyfriend who she met while helping autistic children. “He is just gorgeous and so sweet!” she said, “let me show you a picture of him.” She whipped out her smartphone and showed me a picture of a super-buff model-type guy with his arm around an autistic kid.
Is this the key to meeting guys? Working with autistic children? Did I mention I have an irrational fear of mentally handicapped people? (It’s terrible, I know, but I had a bad experience when I was a kid…don’t judge me.)
After the wine bar, I shopped a little, then stopped in this adorable used bookstore that was like something out of a fantasy. (Or maybe just my fantasies). I’ve always dreamed that when I get old enough to retire, I’ll open up a book/gift store with nooks and crannies and bookshelves spilling over and cute hidden corners in which to sit and read. I wandered to the end of the store – only to interrupt a couple making out in a corner. I turned around abruptly and found another nook to sit down in and finally read my book and be by myself, only to find that I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open!
I dozed off and on, read a chapter or two, bought “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” (because I haven’t read it yet, and it’s been on my list for ages), then headed back to my car to go home and indulge in some Dawson’s Creek while eating a Subway sandwich.
So, the bar
I was so comfortable in my big green chair and so tired from the week, that I wasn’t feeling very enthusiastic about going out. But my friend Z is leaving this week, and I wanted to hang out with her before she leaves, so I waited to see if she’d call me. Eventually, she did, and I got my lazy butt out of my big green chair and headed to the bar.
One of my friends (who I’m kind of interested in) brought his girlfriend along last night (she lives out of town and was here for the weekend). Z told me she wasn’t impressed (that’s what girlfriends are for, right? To tell each other that the competition doesn’t measure up). Apparently my friend, his girlfriend, and their two friends had all taken molly before coming. Which doesn’t make any sense at all. Who takes molly and goes to a bar? Needless to say, they were a little bit off all night. Eventually, they left to go to some house party rave thing.
Awkward times with awkward people
Z and I stuck around and watched the second band. Some guy told me he liked my dress, and I struck up a conversation with him. A couple more guys came up (I think they were guy 1’s friends…or something), and we made weird conversation. At one point I said something totally awkward, and there was a moment of silence. Then I looked around and said, “Umm, yeah, that was awkward. Sorry about that.” And life moved on.
Then a girl walked up to our group (she was friends with some of the guys). I introduced myself, and we chatted for a sec, then this guy walked up behind her and put his arm around her waist. It was awkward date guy! I smiled tightly and said, “Hey”, as he said, “Good to see you again.” Then I turned back to the guy that had complimented my dress and we started talking about cartoons. As you do.
Meanwhile, I kept catching the eye of this beautiful bearded man, but he was giving me a confused, almost angry look – the look you might give an ex that you haven’t seen in ages but who showed up unexpectedly at the same party. Not sure why, but this seems to happen to me a lot. Does anyone have any ideas what this look might be about? Cuz I’d love to be clued in. Funny thing is, he looked almost identical to this man that I had a thing for way back when. I stared a little too hard at his tattoos to determine if it was the same guy. Which is weird.
Turned out beautiful bearded man was in the second band. And he decided to play his instrument with his shirt off (see what I did there). Which was a little too hot.
After they finished playing, he gave some girl an intimate hug – where your arms slide comfortably around a person to pull them into the kind of hug where you’re touching head-to-toe. It was a little depressing.
Z’s successful ballsiness
Z and I walked outside with the smokers. She turned to me and said, “I think I’m going to give my number to hot bartender guy.”
“The tall skinny one?” I asked, “because I’ve been trying to catch his eye for weeks.”
“No, no, the beardy one that smells like patchouli,” she said. I gave her a look. “What? I freaking love patchouli.”
I laughed, “Whatever, I’m not judging you…but you should definitely give him your number.”
When we were ready to hit the road, Z paid her tab and slipped the bartender her number as well as a little note saying she’s leaving the city this week. He texted her an hour or so after we left.
What am I doing wrong?
Sometimes I feel like my life is some weird ass simulation where I’m a character and whoever’s controlling the world around me finds humor in causing pain and embarrassment. Around every corner there seems to be a couple holding hands, or sharing a discreet kiss (or not so discreet), or somebody gloating about their hot boyfriend. Beautiful look-a-likes are placed just within my grasp, only to be snatched away at the last minute. My friends get lucky when they’re ballsy, but when I do it, people think I’m creepy or coming on too strong.
Maybe I’m just having one of those days where it seems like I can’t do anything right. Or maybe I need to stop waiting to “have a connection” with someone and just go for it. In the meantime, will someone please explain the weird “angry and confused” looks I keep getting? Thanks amigos.