I’ll go ahead and flatter myself by assuming you are all sitting on the edge of your seats waiting to hear about the sticky situation involving a married man that I mentioned in my last post. Well get ready. Because it’s not really worth all the hype. It’s actually kind of depressing.
A month or two ago, I met this guy on a job. (I work in film…and before you get any kinky ideas, let me clarify: I work on the crew). And since I knew he was married (wedding ring) I made the mistake of treating him like I treat my girlfriends. Normally when I meet a guy (and I’m not interested) I’m very careful not to come across as too flirtatious. Because from what I understand of men, if you smile at them and have a decent conversation, they’ll assume you’re interested. ‘Course, I’m not gonna be rude to a guy just because I’m not interested, I’m just going to be more on my guard. I was not on my guard with married guy.
So I’m new in town
I just moved to this town in March and am often away on jobs. Needless to say, I haven’t made a ton of friends yet. The good news is, I just got on a big job in town and will be here till the end of September. Huzzah, a social life is on the horizon! In any case, I’ve been on the lookout for potential friends since day one. And it just so happened that married guy became one of them. We hung out a few times (completely innocently, I swear), and then he dropped a bomb on me.
If my wife knew…
He told me that he and his wife have been having marital issues for several months now, and that they “weren’t allowed” to have friends of the opposite sex (umm…trust issues much?). He then told me that every time we’d hung out, he’d lied to his wife about where he’d been, even though we hadn’t done anything sketchy. at. all. But guess what? Now it looks sketchy. “If my wife knew, she’d freak the fuck out,” he concluded.
I told married guy that if we were to continue to hang out, he needed to introduce his wife to the friend group (aka me and my three friends). I also told him he needed to quit lying about us hanging out (you’d think that was a no-brainer).
When he finally told his wife, she was pretty angry and hurt (as any woman would be when she finds out her spouse has been lying to her about anything, especially about another woman in his life, however platonic the relationship). Obviously, our friendship became a source of contention between the two of them. So I decided that the only way to rectify the situation was to have her meet me (and friends) and see that I meant no harm. Course I forgot one thing: I’m a young, attractive, single female. And in this woman’s eyes, I was a threat to her marriage, her family (did I mention they have a kid? Oh yeah, they have a kid), and her ultimate happiness. Plenty of women are hated for much less.
How do you pick your friends?
I invited them to come to the show last Saturday night, and they did. As soon as we met, the wife recognized my good intentions, and we both laughed gleefully that there could have been such a big misunderstanding. Then we sat down and giggled about girly things over cosmos and a hummus plate and planned to get together the next weekend for a trip to the mall and a girl’s night out. Not.
What actually happened is the wife showed up already partly sloshed. As soon as she met me, she looked me up and down and made up her mind to hate me. But she was “pleasant” to me the whole night until we found ourselves left alone for a minute or two. Then she leaned over and hissed into my ear, “I just have to ask. What motivates a single woman to be friends with a married man?” What I wanted to say was, “I don’t choose my friends on their marital eligibility. We had things in common, so we became friends. How do you pick your friends?”
‘Course, I was trying very hard to be as nice to her as possible, so I just muttered something about being new in town and trying to make friends with everyone I met. But she wasn’t listening. She just rambled on about being together for 10 years, having a kid, and how she wished she had a husband who had the balls to end our friendship. They left soon after this conversation.
Maybe we shouldn’t be friends…just a thought
I talked to married guy a couple days later and asked how his wife was feeling. Apparently not so good (shocker). I told him we probably shouldn’t be friends anymore. I also said he should probably go to counseling (did I mention I kind of became his personal counselor? It got to the point where I felt like I needed to start charging him by the hour). He got pretty upset, but eventually realized that was the only thing he could do to make things better with his wife.
Local friend count -1
On the bright side, I’m going on a date on Saturday with the guy from the show. We’re supposed to go canoeing. I’ll let you know how it goes.